Isloation

I go through the motions

no one notices

no one cares

I walk I talk

do I have children

I don’t remember

it has been so long

no one notices

no one cares

I scream so loud

no one hears

I cry so hard

no one notices

I go through the motions

no one cares

So I am trying to exercise….. I exercised for 3 years straight but for some reason I quit.  I have no reason to have quit but I did.  I gained a crazy amount of weight and have been eating all of the bad stuff.  Every day I get up thinking I will exercise then I don’t for the past 3 months.  Today (1/10/2011) I actually did exercise not much but I did.

I am trying like hell not to beat myself up for failing at eating healthy and exercising.  So today I exercised but did fail to eat very well. 

Tomorrow is another day

Misc knitted toys

Toy I made (sponge bob like but not)

IPod cover

Afghan I made for my daughter fits a queensize bed

I am a mother

I raised my children

I cared for them

Protected them

Wanted only the best for them

Then they went away

Part of me is gone

As each child left

I am crying……………

Inside I am screaming

my voice can’t be heard.

I don’t know how to express how I feel. 

I have overwhelming sadness. 

I am alone.  

Going through the motions of sanity,

But not really succeeding.

Not sure how long I can maintain.

I am crying…………

Okay, I have never started a blog, I suck at writing, spelling and put thoughts to paper.  When I look at a blank page my mind goes blank.  And here I am on tumblr thinking of blogging.  Everyone is doing it so why shouldn’t I?  

What would I write about?  What am I passionate about?

Art… I paint with oils, kinda a snob regarding oils.  But I want to be open to explore new mediums.

Music…Not sure what music I do not like.  I love live music.  

fiber art..just learned to knit LOVE it, crocheting learned as a child still enjoy.  I am trying to learn to weave and finding it difficult (at least starting)

and last but certainly not least and to my husband’s grief 

Politics.  I am a greenhorn regarding politics,  I nearly 56 years old and 2008 was the first election I voted in.  I am so naive but learning to live with disappointment.  I voted for President Obama and I will again.  I can’t believe what crap is thrown his way.  Is he a prefect president, NO.  I am still have faith in him but I am sick of all of the negative reporting on him.  

So that is what I want to post on this site.  I don’t expect or even believe anyone will read and I am more then fine with that.  It is like shouting in a forest I just want to put it out there to make me feel better.    I think that I will post pictures of the things I make, thoughts I have, and occasionally I will post things because I feel desperate, that is what I do on twitter.  

So there you have it